i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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