just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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