3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
