I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Panties = found
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
