He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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