I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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