Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
