drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
