He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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