I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
