And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
