We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Say something about gay babies.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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