girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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