In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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