you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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