FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
