She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
