am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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