I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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