I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
