I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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