I hate all girls vehemently.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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