On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
