i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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