Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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