Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
