You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
