after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
