Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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