Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
