sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
