so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
