I just made out with a guy for $7.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
