dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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