I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
