I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
