the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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