You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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