do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
