pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
