I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I will pee on everything he values.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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