Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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