Umm I'm too high to move.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
