Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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