Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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