My sheets look like a crime scene.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We need to get me chipped asap
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
