Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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