Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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