I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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