I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
