how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
