the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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