god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
