There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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