Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
