hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
smell my finger.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
