If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
