I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
