My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
