I've blown a few things in my day
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
