well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
