someone owes me an orgasm
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I forget how to act sober
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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