omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So vagazzling was a success
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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