Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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