would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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