i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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