Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
