white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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