maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
bring money and cleavage
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
