is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
