i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
