I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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