Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
