So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
