Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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