everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
