Please, let me fuck your mom
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
