i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
