oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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