We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
