Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
