Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
