Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
